So I’m a stupid fuck who threw their phone in the snow, and now its in recovery mode, and I’ve lost everything. SHIIIIIIIITTTTT.
When I’m entirely too quite, the only noise interruptions in my room are the muffled breaths from my dog who’s sleeping under my bed, and the patterned ticking my watch makes as time passes.
Once it hits 11 and ABC family turns into paid programming.
I groan in the thought of you,
but change to Food Network instead.
The sizzling sound of Guy Fiere peeking over the shoulder of a timid chef
staring into a pot, asking, when already knowing the answer
Is that Cumin you added?
Makes me forget about the slightest thought you
brought into my head.
I only want you when it hits 3am and nothing is on tv,
paid programing washes over the many channels,
once alive during the day.
I only want you when there are no snacks in the cupboard.
I only want you once I’ve used all my lives,
on the many apps wasting space on my phone.
I only want you when there is something more desired.
I guess I don’t want you much at all,
because there is always…
Netflix to watch more cooking shows.
The 24 hour gas station right up the street,
with a endless selection of fatty snacks and Slurpee’s.
The possibility to buy more lives.
There’s always something more desired than you.
- Ming Washington “i only want a bf when there is nothing good on tv”
I’m saying all of this as an apology. I apologize, that something is our messed up society even promoted the thought that you are not beautiful. I apologize because your happiness fuels me. I apologize that you ever had thoughts of death, I apologize that the whisper swept by your ear, that you heard chants from the evil, that you ever once thought you had to meet someones standards. That you had to go through the pain of disliking yourself, or the judgement of people, that someone called you something that your not, maybe that happened because they were on the edge too, and they were trying to gather their balance, and I’m glad I’m so glad that you were able to balance, and turn around, walk away from the edge. Leave it behind, because you are doing great, and the whisper is turning into a mumble, and fading, getting quieter and soon it will be gone, and you will stand stronger than ever because people are here to hold your hand, and whisper great things into you ear, and smile, and dance, and lead you to some place great where judgement, and death are forgotten, where you are happy and stable. I’m glad you are better and doing well, and overcoming the pain and hurt, I’m glad I met you and I’m glad your okay. That’s all I want, I want you to be happy and okay.